2012, The Zombie Apocalypse, and/or A Vampire Invasion

I know, little one, I know. I feel the same.

I am trying to figure out which one is more likely to occur.  Regardless, I find it very fitting that the world is predicted to end just as I am finishing up my first semester of grad school.  Quite fitting, both in a literal and a figurative sense.

I have been planning a little, though, and believe that the following will cover any catastrophe, including an invasion by martians of whom claim to be our superiors.

Plan A:

1) Go to Home Depot and stock up on all tools, weapons (yes, if need be), and gardening supplies.

2) Go to Costco and Wal-Mart to gather food and other supplies.  Do not buy perishables.  Make sure to buy much gum, as heroes in apocalypse films are always chewing gum.

3) Make sure the coast is clear and go to McDonald’s (you never know, zombies could confuse burgers with brains.  Or – worse still – they will be drawn by the mass crowds.  Same with vampires).

4) Start recruiting for a team.  Pick people who have (a) a certain skill or (b) can fight.  If they can do both, immediately recruit them.

5) Gather any people at Trent, including professors and fellow students.  Recruit them. [Editor’s note: I was not forced to put this in here].

6)  Visit local libraries and gather reading material.

7) Barricade ourselves in a large, underground building.  Fight for the human race.

Plan B:

1) Run around.  Panic.  Recklessly drive to someone’s house and tell them.  Eat their food and barricade myself inside their basement.

Note: none of the above applies if their is a Mayan apocalypse.  I will just simply invite everyone to watch the fireworks with a beer (or non-alcohol substitute.  Organic tea.).

The link entitled “Yep” provides an ideal – an I stress ideal – survival kit for a zombie apocalypse; however, these gadgets apply toother catastrophes.  Besides, when the world has been taken over by the walking dead, the undead, or martian who claim to be our superiors does it matter if we pay or not for these gadgets?  Really?! C’mon!

Click here: Yep

In my cinematic mind, a soundtrack is playing for every scenario.  I’d like to share with you how absurd it is:

(In order of preferred apocalypse)

Main theme song (Martian Invasion):

Main theme song (Vampire Invasion):

Main theme song (Zombie Apocalypse):

Main theme song (2012):

Explanation of choices:

Martian Invasion:  The Eagle’s song “Journey of the Sorcerer” is on The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy soundtrack.  It also will serve as a good background song to a very serious introduction, one that explains that “In 2012, the Earth is ending, the Martians have come, and everything is lost.  Except, somewhere in Canada, a band of unlikely heroes will save the human race from total annihilation”

Vampire Invasion: From the classic 80s film The Lost Boys.  It is always good to begin with a retro song in order to reach different demographics other than the Twihard audience.

Zombie Apocalypse:  Title speaks for itself.

2012 Apocalypse: The song plays continuously as the meteor is slamming through the atmosphere and destroying all living creatures.  The song echoes into eternity.

Anyways, I have come to the conclusion that (a) either none will occur or (b) all will occur.  There is a benefit to (b): you can choose which one you would like to participate in the most.  Regardless, I have the master plan for all occasions.  Plus, I got the soundtrack :D.

So, I know this sounds crazy,

But if there is an apocalypse,

Here is my number,

So, call me…maybe?

About dontpanictrent

DON'T PANIC: A Trent Graduate Student Blog

3 Responses to “2012, The Zombie Apocalypse, and/or A Vampire Invasion”

  1. maybe some students hope for an apocalypse when all the assignments are due?


  1. 21st Century Zombie Apocalypse | Eradica - October 17, 2012

    […] 2012, The Zombie Apocalypse, and/or A Vampire Invasion (dontpanictrent.com) […]

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